Eagles Fever Infects Philadelphia City Council As New Law Passes

In a move that has shocked the U.S. Department of Transportation, the National Transportation Safety Board, and advocates of safe driving from all over the country, Philadelphia’s City Council has passed a bill to switch all the traffic signals within the city limits to green in support of the Eagles, Philadelphia’s N.F.L. Team. The bill creates a new ordinance, PA-4um2-003, which forces the city’s Department of Streets to make the change. The ordinance must be in effect by midnight on Friday, January 9th, although to comply, many signals have already been modified.
The ordinance, which is expected to cause massive traffic congestion, thousands of accidents, and increased insurance premiums, will stay in effect until the Eagles win a Super Bowl. The Philadelphia Police Department is working on a plan to keep traffic moving, but critics and experts say the effect of the ordinance will be gridlock. “I can’t imagine a more ignorant move. This bill will shut down Philadelphia and much of the Northeast Corridor,” said Frederick Rodgers, a founding member of Rodgers Traffic Inc., a national civil engineering firm located on Broad Street in downtown Philadelphia. Philadelphia already has the third highest insurance claim rate in the U.S. and those rates will likely double over the next month. These are just two of the results of this new ordinance.
This move is the latest in a string of events that has been dubbed “Eagles Fever”. Starting in early January, the focus of the entire city shifted to the city’s N.F.L. team. The sports, news, and entertainment media began almost every report with an update on the Eagles. Tickets for playoff games were selling for as much as $1000 each and even the skyline in Philadelphia began to glow green. One by one, skyscrapers in Center City started replacing white lights on their roofs with the Eagles’ team color. Within two weeks, dozens of office buildings were glowing in support of the team, including Liberty 2, and the Mellon Building. Hotels, including the prestigious Hyatt on Columbus Boulevard, soon followed suit. The PECO Tower, unable to replace the white lights on their message board with green ones, eliminated all charity announcements and began displaying a continuous loop of the Eagles’ team song. Even the decorative lights on the Benjamin Franklin Bridge have been set to green.
Michael Nutter, the Mayor of Philadelphia, was unable to be reached for comment but the Office of the Mayor did release a statement saying, “We respect the decision made by members of City Council in passing this bill. They have done more for the city and the moral of its citizens with this one vote than we have been able to do in the last two years. We hope they continue to create innovative and effective laws”.
While this ordinance may seem to be the most extreme example of sports fanaticism, the government of Philadelphia is working closely with the State of New Jersey on a new effort, perhaps even more extreme. Details of this plan have not yet been released, but a confidential source stated that it will “make Camden glow green”.
In honor of the Philadelphia Eagles playoff game tomorrow (and Donovan McNabb’s first playoff appearance since his infamous Super Bowl showing), I thought I would post something fun and light-hearted. I wrote this unpublished satirical piece exactly five years ago, in January of 2004, as the city jumped completely on the Eagles’ bandwagon. To make it fit this year’s circumstances, I simply had to change the mayor’s name and the date the ordinance went into effect.
If there is a marketing lesson in this (and there probably shouldn’t be), it’s that too much of anything can become a bad thing. Don’t go so far as to disrupt people’s daily lives in a negative way. Make a splash, but don’t make people too angry or scare them.

One thought on “Eagles Fever Infects Philadelphia City Council As New Law Passes

  1. From Patriots land, congrats on the Eagles’ victory. If the Patriots cannot play in the Super Bowl, we are happy for Philly that the Eagles will.

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